Quote

Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Hips
Cans
Cool
Dudes
Close
Cart
Full
Carts
Look
Skis
Looks
Grocery
Groceries
Dented
Caps
Hoodies

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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
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Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
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To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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