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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Full
Carts
Look
Skis
Looks
Grocery
Groceries
Dented
Caps
Hoodies
Hips
Cans
Cool
Dudes
Close
Cart

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
Dana Gould
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
Dana Gould
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
Dana Gould