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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Look
Skis
Looks
Grocery
Groceries
Dented
Caps
Hoodies
Hips
Cans
Cool
Dudes
Close
Cart
Full
Carts

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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
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