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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Plaque
Trophy
Trophies
Award
Awards
Hand
Hands
Best

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
Dana Gould
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
Dana Gould
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What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
Dana Gould
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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
Dana Gould
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
Dana Gould
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
Dana Gould
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
Dana Gould
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
Dana Gould
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What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
Dana Gould
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
Dana Gould
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
Dana Gould
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
Dana Gould
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Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
Dana Gould
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Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
Dana Gould
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
Dana Gould
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Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
Dana Gould
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
Dana Gould
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
Dana Gould
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
Dana Gould
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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
Dana Gould