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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Best
Plaque
Trophy
Trophies
Award
Awards
Hand
Hands

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
Dana Gould
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
Dana Gould
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
Dana Gould
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
Dana Gould
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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
Dana Gould
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
Dana Gould
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Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.
Dana Gould
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
Dana Gould
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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
Dana Gould
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
Dana Gould
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
Dana Gould
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
Dana Gould
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
Dana Gould
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Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
Dana Gould
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
Dana Gould
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
Dana Gould
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
Dana Gould
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
Dana Gould
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
Dana Gould
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
Dana Gould