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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Plaque
Trophy
Trophies
Award
Awards
Hand
Hands
Best

More quotes by Dana Gould

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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
Dana Gould
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
Dana Gould
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
Dana Gould
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
Dana Gould
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
Dana Gould
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
Dana Gould
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Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.
Dana Gould
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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
Dana Gould
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
Dana Gould
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
Dana Gould
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
Dana Gould
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Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?
Dana Gould
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Competition is the death of art.
Dana Gould
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The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
Dana Gould
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
Dana Gould
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
Dana Gould
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
Dana Gould
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
Dana Gould
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
Dana Gould