Quote

Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Head
Guy
Start
Tell
Sawing
Someone
Statement
Great
Statements
Kind
Starts
Time
Whenever

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
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Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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