Quote

Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Time
Whenever
Head
Guy
Start
Tell
Sawing
Someone
Statement
Great
Statements
Kind
Starts

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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
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