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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Open
People
Drive
Mouths

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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
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Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
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