Quote

Why do old people drive with their mouths open?

Dana Gould

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Drive
Mouths
Open
People

More quotes by Dana Gould

Image
What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
Dana Gould
Image
If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
Dana Gould
Image
This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
Dana Gould
Image
I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
Dana Gould
Image
There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
Dana Gould
Image
What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
Dana Gould
Image
I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
Dana Gould
Image
The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
Dana Gould
Image
Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
Dana Gould
Image
Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
Dana Gould
Image
Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
Dana Gould
Image
Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
Dana Gould
Image
Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
Dana Gould
Image
I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
Dana Gould
Image
I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
Dana Gould
Image
The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
Dana Gould
Image
Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
Dana Gould
Image
If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
Dana Gould
Image
Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
Dana Gould
Image
Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
Dana Gould