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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Drive
Mouths
Open
People

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If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
Dana Gould