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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Drive
Mouths
Open
People

More quotes by Dana Gould

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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
Dana Gould
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
Dana Gould
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If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
Dana Gould
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Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
Dana Gould
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
Dana Gould
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
Dana Gould
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
Dana Gould
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
Dana Gould
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
Dana Gould