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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Drive
Mouths
Open
People

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You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
Dana Gould