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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Open
People
Drive
Mouths

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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
Dana Gould