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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Brother
Women
Wanted
Like
Boobs
Giant
Giants
Fake

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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
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Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
Dana Gould