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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Giant
Giants
Fake
Brother
Women
Wanted
Like
Boobs

More quotes by Dana Gould

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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
Dana Gould
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
Dana Gould
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
Dana Gould
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
Dana Gould
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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
Dana Gould
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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
Dana Gould
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
Dana Gould
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
Dana Gould