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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Wanted
Like
Boobs
Giant
Giants
Fake
Brother
Women

More quotes by Dana Gould

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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.
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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
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You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
Dana Gould