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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Boobs
Giant
Giants
Fake
Brother
Women
Wanted
Like

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
Dana Gould
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
Dana Gould
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
Dana Gould
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
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You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
Dana Gould
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
Dana Gould