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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Like
Boobs
Giant
Giants
Fake
Brother
Women
Wanted

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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
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Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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