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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Dog
Saying
Anyone
Age
Lying
Diaper
Never
Diapers
Love
Dogs
Putting

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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
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I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
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Love is like pancreatitis it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
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Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
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Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
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You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
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