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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Love
Dogs
Putting
Dog
Saying
Anyone
Age
Lying
Diaper
Never
Diapers

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Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
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I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
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