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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Putting
Dog
Saying
Anyone
Age
Lying
Diaper
Never
Diapers
Love
Dogs

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To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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