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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Love
Dogs
Putting
Dog
Saying
Anyone
Age
Lying
Diaper
Never
Diapers

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Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
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Love is like pancreatitis it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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