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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Would
Believed
Catholic
Authority
Birth
Boys
Uterus
Control
Contraception
Moral
Altar
Church
Altars
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
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