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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Authority
Birth
Boys
Uterus
Control
Contraception
Moral
Altar
Church
Altars
Would
Believed
Catholic
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
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To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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