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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Catholic
Authority
Birth
Boys
Uterus
Control
Contraception
Moral
Altar
Church
Altars
Would
Believed

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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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