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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Might
Elevator
Elevators
Terrified
Rational
Stuck
Bear
Bears
Getting

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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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Competition is the death of art.
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
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If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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