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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Bears
Getting
Might
Elevator
Elevators
Terrified
Rational
Stuck
Bear

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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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