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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Humans
Cat
Scary
Seated
Beings
Labs
Deep
Cage
Study
Indication
Bigs
Cages
Fear
Rats
Human
Studies
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
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Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.
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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
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