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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Lecture
Lectures
Convincing
Rarely
Strength
Playing
Guy
Bald

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
Dana Gould
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
Dana Gould
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
Dana Gould
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
Dana Gould
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
Dana Gould
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
Dana Gould
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
Dana Gould
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Competition is the death of art.
Dana Gould
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
Dana Gould
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
Dana Gould
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Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
Dana Gould
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
Dana Gould
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
Dana Gould
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
Dana Gould
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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
Dana Gould
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
Dana Gould
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I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
Dana Gould
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
Dana Gould
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
Dana Gould
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Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.
Dana Gould