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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Life
Later
Deal
Deals
Bigs
Born
Death
Eternally
Anything
Conception
Live
Begins

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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?
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