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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Enough
Lifts
Make
Boxes
Weight
Pay
Education
Hauled
Father
Weights
Money
Lift
Someone
Earn

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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
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Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
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Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
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Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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