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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Make
Boxes
Weight
Pay
Education
Hauled
Father
Weights
Money
Lift
Someone
Earn
Enough
Lifts

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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
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I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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