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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Education
Hauled
Father
Weights
Money
Lift
Someone
Earn
Enough
Lifts
Make
Boxes
Weight
Pay

More quotes by Dana Gould

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If life begins at conception, but you can be born again later, only to live on eternally after death, what's the big deal about anything?
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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