Quote

Love is like pancreatitis it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Develop
Become
Cramps
Love
Builds
Like
Consumed
Intensity
Starts
Slow
Violent

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What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
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What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?
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To me 30 isn't old. But it's definitely the beginning of no longer young. Because you notice little subtle things happen to you. You'll be in your car driving around listening to the radio and hear stuff like, That's was an oldie from The Clash.
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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
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Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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