Quote

Love is like pancreatitis it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Become
Cramps
Love
Builds
Like
Consumed
Intensity
Starts
Slow
Violent
Develop

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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
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Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
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