Quote

Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
School
Orgies
Enough
Clapping
Jumping
Showing
Joy
Goes
Point
Away

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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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My dog keeps looking at me as if he knows my secret, as if he and he alone can see my soul. That or he wants this pork chop.
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
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Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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