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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Fail
Republican
Prove
Failing
Works
Government
Strippers
Believe
Republicans
Relationships

More quotes by Dana Gould

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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
Dana Gould
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
Dana Gould
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
Dana Gould
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Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
Dana Gould
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
Dana Gould