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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Government
Strippers
Believe
Republicans
Relationships
Fail
Republican
Prove
Failing
Works

More quotes by Dana Gould

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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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Love is like pancreatitis it starts off slow, then builds in intensity until you become consumed and develop violent cramps.
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
Dana Gould
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
Dana Gould
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
Dana Gould
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
Dana Gould
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Egg nog. Because nothing satisfies like a cold glass of eggs.
Dana Gould
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?
Dana Gould
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Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
Dana Gould
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Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!
Dana Gould
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
Dana Gould
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Why do old people drive with their mouths open?
Dana Gould
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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
Dana Gould
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
Dana Gould