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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Prove
Failing
Works
Government
Strippers
Believe
Republicans
Relationships
Fail
Republican

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
Dana Gould
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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
Dana Gould
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
Dana Gould
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
Dana Gould
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
Dana Gould
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
Dana Gould
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
Dana Gould
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
Dana Gould
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
Dana Gould
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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
Dana Gould
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
Dana Gould
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
Dana Gould
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
Dana Gould
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
Dana Gould
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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
Dana Gould
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
Dana Gould
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
Dana Gould
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
Dana Gould
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I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!
Dana Gould