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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Every
Circus
Time
Clown
Thinking
Town
Towns
Somewhere
Help
Comes
Helping
Semen

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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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As hard as I try to live with some degree of faith in my life, I just can't believe that the full moon can turn dude into a wolf.
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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