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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Appear
Conversation
Deep
Small
Alone
Left
Subway
Great
Knife
Way
Knives

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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
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Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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