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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Small
Alone
Left
Subway
Great
Knife
Way
Knives
Appear
Conversation
Deep

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Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
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Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
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Now that the Sanctity and Holiness of heterosexual marriage has been destroyed, are they going to cancel The Bachelor?
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
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