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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Subway
Left
Knife
Great
Knives
Way
Appear
Conversation
Deep
Small
Alone

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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
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Whoever thought to name a candy bar Butterfinger has either never seen Last Tango In Paris or seen it far too many times.
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
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When homeless people go camping, how do they know?
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If you want to see what I'll look like as an old guy, check out any recent photo of me.
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