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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Cat
Dog
Cats

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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
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I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
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