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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Cats
Cat
Dog

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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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Why did I adopt kids? I dunno. Let me look at my family: religious weirdo, gun nut, biker, boozer, dead tooth, too many cats, the guy who talks to his truck. Hmm. Maybe I adopted because genetically my balls are full of poison.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
Dana Gould