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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Mean
Love
Poop
Dogs
Everywhere
Dog
Courses
Course

More quotes by Dana Gould

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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
Dana Gould
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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
Dana Gould
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If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
Dana Gould
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
Dana Gould
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
Dana Gould
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
Dana Gould
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
Dana Gould
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
Dana Gould
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I don't want to appear to be placing blame, but as far my life is concerned, everything is pretty much my dad's ball's fault.
Dana Gould
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
Dana Gould
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
Dana Gould
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
Dana Gould
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The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
Dana Gould
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
Dana Gould
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I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
Dana Gould
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Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
Dana Gould
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
Dana Gould
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I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
Dana Gould
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
Dana Gould
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
Dana Gould