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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
Dana Gould
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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Dogs
Everywhere
Dog
Courses
Course
Mean
Love
Poop
More quotes by Dana Gould
This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
Dana Gould
People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
Dana Gould
I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!
Dana Gould
Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
Dana Gould
Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
Dana Gould
If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
Dana Gould
The weird thing about old Playboys is knowing that the naked woman is now an old lady. I said weird. I didn't say bad.
Dana Gould
Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
Dana Gould
What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
Dana Gould
Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
Dana Gould
I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
Dana Gould
Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
Dana Gould
Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
Dana Gould
Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
Dana Gould
I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
Dana Gould
Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
Dana Gould
How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
Dana Gould
I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
Dana Gould
Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
Dana Gould
Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
Dana Gould
