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I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
World
Crying
Stranger
Naked
Cry
Room
Rooms
Leave
Entered
Full
Strangers

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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
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The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
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The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
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You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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