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I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Cry
Room
Rooms
Leave
Entered
Full
Strangers
World
Crying
Stranger
Naked

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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
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Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?
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Always remember, you don't stop shitting your pants because you grow old. You grow old because you stop shitting your pants.
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
Dana Gould
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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