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I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Full
Strangers
World
Crying
Stranger
Naked
Cry
Room
Rooms
Leave
Entered

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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
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Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
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