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I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Rooms
Leave
Entered
Full
Strangers
World
Crying
Stranger
Naked
Cry
Room

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
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What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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Republicans don't believe government works, and get into it to prove it will fail. Same with strippers and relationships.
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
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Showing joy by jumping up and down and clapping goes away at some point between pre-school and being old enough to go to orgies.
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What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
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I'm a workaholic, only instead of working I like to drink liquor.
Dana Gould
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
Dana Gould
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
Dana Gould
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
Dana Gould