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I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Full
Strangers
World
Crying
Stranger
Naked
Cry
Room
Rooms
Leave
Entered

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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
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Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
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The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place?
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
Dana Gould