Quote

I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Long
Way
Like
Impatiently
Coffee
Line
Lines
Waiting
Women

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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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What do people in prison say when they meet new friends? Give me your cell number.
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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I got mugged about six months ago. The oddest thing about the entire situation, though, was that I wasn't afraid, which is strange because basically I experience my life through two primary emotions: fear and suppressed fear.
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