Quote

I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Long
Way
Like
Impatiently
Coffee
Line
Lines
Waiting
Women

More quotes by Dana Gould

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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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I don't mind being alone when I'm surrounded by people, I just hate being alone when I'm alone.
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I think I had an argument with a hypnotist this morning. It makes perfect sense as I have no memory of it.
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
Dana Gould
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I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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Approached literally, there's but a hair's difference between You'd better not pout, you'd better not cry, and Don't scream.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
Dana Gould
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Why do some bald guys grow ponytails? It it the same reason people too old to run always wear track shoes and sweat pants?
Dana Gould
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
Dana Gould
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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
Dana Gould
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
Dana Gould