Quote

I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Long
Way
Like
Impatiently
Coffee
Line
Lines
Waiting
Women

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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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I live in Los Angeles. It's a very liberal city, but it's so hypocritical in what it's liberal about. You can be driving down Hollywood Boulevard, see a guy in lipstick and high heels wearing a fur coat masturbating into a mailbox. People giving him a hard time as they drive by: Hey, is that real fur? Of course not! That's sick!
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
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Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
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You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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You have an obligation to challenge your fans and your viewers.
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Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
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To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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