Quote

I like my coffee the way I like my women: after waiting impatiently in a long line.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Coffee
Line
Lines
Waiting
Women
Long
Way
Like
Impatiently

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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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I take the Bible literally, but not seriously.
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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There's nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store.
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Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there's anxiety.
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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
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My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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Rejected names for World War II: 'Global Super Killfest', 'Germaniacal Japandamonium', 'World War 1: New Moon'.
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Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
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Just because one pedophile is a football coach, please don't turn against all pedophiles.
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Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
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