Quote

Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Home
Rope
Today
Pilots
Gas
Realized
Save
Pissing
Environment
Audition
Help
Pilot
Helping
Auditions

More quotes by Dana Gould

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New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
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Our dog just wanders around the house with a concerned look on his face. Dogs are just people who can't find their phone.
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If pop music reflects the culture, this will surely go down as the era in which people rose up and realized it was fun to dance at parties.
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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
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My dog is so old, she now has a lot of cats.
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This is just a hunch, but I bet airplanes think helicopters are assholes.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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Is there an award for the best trophy? I bet they hand out a plaque.
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We would have never gotten mace had someone not thought, There must be a good way to burn someone's eyes.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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The only thing that will stop a bad guy with a pressure cooker bomb is a good guy with a slightly larger pressure cooker bomb.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
Dana Gould