Quote

Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Save
Pissing
Environment
Audition
Help
Pilot
Helping
Auditions
Home
Rope
Today
Pilots
Gas
Realized

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We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
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I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? Get out there and play like horny old ladies!
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Do people in the Ku Klux Klan who die and come back as ghosts have to wear two sheets when attending the rally?
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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
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It's been years since any hillbilly has reported getting sodomized by an alien. Did they break up and not tell us?
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I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it's in the middle of another dog's speech.
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Unshaven dudes in hoodies and ski caps look so hip and cool, until they too close to a grocery cart full of dented cans.
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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How come, when people wear half shirts, it's always the top half?
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Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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You rarely get a convincing lecture on playing to your strength from a bald guy with a ponytail.
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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Competition is the death of art.
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When I finally invent a time machine you will already know about it because I'll have told you a long time ago.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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The man who invented instant pudding was moved to action by an inability to wait for pudding.
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
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Women do it all the time to look younger and it would make perfect sense if one of them ever came out looking younger - but they don't. They just look the same they all get plastic surgery face. No matter who they look like going in, they all come out looking like the girl from the band on 'The Muppet Show.
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