Quote

Had an audition for a pilot today, but realized I could save gas and help the environment by pissing up a rope here at home!

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Realized
Save
Pissing
Environment
Audition
Help
Pilot
Helping
Auditions
Home
Rope
Today
Pilots
Gas

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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
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If God had wanted women to have giant, fake boobs he'd be a lot like my brother.
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I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I've swallowed.
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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My daughter will say she's hungry, and I'm like, 'Buddy, you're just bored. Do you understand? And you're already starting a pattern of satisfying an internal disconnect with an external stimulation, and that's a dead-end road, sweetie. Courtney Love lives on that road you don't want to live on that road.
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn't that what death is for? Trust me, we're all gonna stop aging.
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The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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A great way to be left alone on the subway is to appear to be deep in conversation with a small knife.
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
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