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I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Kids
Love
Petting
Dog
Along
Relationship
Since
Came
Gone

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There is no fast, easy shortcut for the word abbreviation.
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Halloween Costume I Hate: kids dressed as their parent's poltical beliefs. Oooh! Aren't you a scary health care reform bill!
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People get into stand-up comedy by and large because they're smart and they have a perspective.
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The hard part about living in the present is it forces you to abandon hope for the future. Thanks for nothing, now.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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If you read angry political blogs, substitute Obama with my daddy and you'll usually learn a lot about the author.
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What if you died, and you found out that when you died, we all went to the same place. No Heaven, no Hell, doesn't matter what you did in life - you all go to the same place, regardless. I know a lot of nice people who will be really pissed off. You'll see Gandhi arguing with the doorman.
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I was watching Batman, the TV show, on TV Land, on the cable. And Robin said to Batman, Golly, Batman! Why is the Joker so evil!? And Batman said, Careful, Robin. The criminal mind sees the world through a prism the solid citizen dare not peer through. Batman has a more nuanced worldview than the president.
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My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.
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Dogs - putting the lie to the age-old saying, I could never love anyone who ate a diaper.
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My life is just like Breaking Bad except instead of a chemistry teacher I'm just a guy and instead of making meth I don't do much.
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Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
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My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.
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Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes.
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Every day is a gift. That said, I've gotten some pretty shitty gifts over the years.
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Life imitates art but art intimidates life.
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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
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I'm no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes.
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Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
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Want to be happy? Don't live competitively. Be content who you are. Live at peace with yourself and the losers below you.
Dana Gould