Quote

I love my dog, but since the kids came along, the petting has gone out of our relationship.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Relationship
Since
Came
Gone
Kids
Love
Petting
Dog
Along

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When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.
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They say that God is in the details. Then again, they also say that the Devil is in the details. Boy, talk about awkward.
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If I ever go into a coma, one of you has to promise to come by occasionally and tweeze my unibrow.
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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Homo sapiens are the only mammals who intentionally hold Beard Of Bees competitions.
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Anything is possible if you believe in yourself, said the guidance counsellor, stifling a laugh.
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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
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Is it still okay to make fun of schizophrenics? There's a little voice in my head that says no.
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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Here's something you never hear: Now that I've worked through all my emotional issues, I'm free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism!
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If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.
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It might not be rational, but I am terrified of getting stuck in an elevator with a bear.
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I don't like to generalize, but if you see a guy with his shirt tucked into his shorts, he's probably killed three or four children.
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Drum Competitions are called such because no one wants to win the big Beat Off.
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I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
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What's a farmer's market without some guy singing Here Comes The Sun in a way that makes you wish the sun would stop coming up.
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Getting plastic surgery in your late 70's, it's kind of like painting your house as the fire approaches. Just die, there's no shame in it.
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There's nothing like a clown with a boner to remind you that you're having a nightmare.
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Life is like jury duty. Just do it and get it over with.
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Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home.
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