Quote

If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.

Dana Gould

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Thirteen
Spent
Days
Many
Long
Would
Dryer
Dryers

More quotes by Dana Gould

Image
To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.
Dana Gould
Image
I'm going to live until I die, and everything in between is just another excuse to eat peanut butter.
Dana Gould
Image
Since the dawn of time, primitive humans thought, loved and had poetry. They also pooped on everything. It was horrible.
Dana Gould
Image
Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
Dana Gould
Image
Cowboy boots with a suit? You're a rough, tough businessman. Chaps with a bow tie? You're in the rough, tough man business.
Dana Gould
Image
Chihuahuas are the perfect pet if you don't have a person in your life who screams and shits their pants every time there's a noise.
Dana Gould
Image
If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
Dana Gould
Image
I don't want to say my mom is late on trends, but this morning she said, Have a shagadelic day, sweetheart.
Dana Gould
Image
Competition is the death of art.
Dana Gould
Image
One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
Dana Gould
Image
New synonyms for sex: Going to a family function, getting the hard part over with, anti-fillet. Get it? Sex!
Dana Gould
Image
Catholic Church reasserts its moral authority on contraception: If God believed in birth control, altar boys would have a uterus.
Dana Gould
Image
We come into this world naked, covered in our own blood, screaming in terror - and it doesn't have to stop there if you know how to live right
Dana Gould
Image
I have one phobia, snakes. And by snakes I mean intimacy.
Dana Gould
Image
A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
Dana Gould
Image
Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, Somewhere out there, there's clown semen.
Dana Gould
Image
I try to live in the moment, but by the time I get there it's too late.
Dana Gould
Image
Very few positive experiences begin with being told to count back slowly from ten.
Dana Gould
Image
Cupcakes - when you want to watch your weight, but still feel the pride that comes with eating an entire cake.
Dana Gould
Image
Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
Dana Gould