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If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Would
Dryer
Dryers
Thirteen
Spent
Days
Many
Long

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It's gonna be awesome! A suspected pedophile dunks my kids head in a bucket so when she dies she can live in an invisible castle. Set the alarm!
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Love means never having to say you're sorry. Marriage means apologizing when you know you're right.
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Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
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If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
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Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
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As Global Warming raises temparatures, it takes longer to cool pies on window sills, and I wonder if this whole thing was caused by hobos.
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If The Beatles represent the most successful version you can be of a thing, then by that definition The Rolling Stones are The Beatles of music, not counting The Beatles. John Lennon is The Beatles of The Beatles.
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I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
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How do I ask my shrink to stop responding to everything I say with, Too much information! and then giggling behind a pillow?
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Have you ever dated a Goth chick for four or five months until you realized she was just an Orthodox Jew? They have the same costumes.
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The Elephant Man claimed his head was big because, it's so full of dreams. Actually, it's because his skull was shaped like a turkey.
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A lot of people are looking for their soul mates. Along the way, it's nice to bump into some genital pals.
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That which does not kill you isn't finished.
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If studies on lab rats are any indication, human beings have a deep-seated fear of a big, scary cat being let into their cage.
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I'm the Forrest Gump of comedy.
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If you encounter someone who pronounces the t in often, odds are they're a douchebag.
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If you're selling something on Craiglist, it's never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice.
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If there's one thing worse than being really angry for no reason, it's suddenly remembering the reason.
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For men there are costumes like fireman, policeman and vampire. For women there are costumes like slutty fireman, slutty policeman and slutty vampire.
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