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If I had a dreamcatcher when I was thirteen, it would have spent many long days in the dryer.

Dana Gould

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Dana Gould
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: August 24
Actor
Comedian
Screenwriter
Singer
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Hopedale
Massachusetts
Dana John Gould
Dana J. Gould
Spent
Days
Many
Long
Would
Dryer
Dryers
Thirteen

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Something tells me that Mitt Romney's sex face is the same as his regular face.
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In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man will probably end up dating the best looking blind chick.
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I don't really like myself, but I'm way into me, physically.
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Where is the good will in the thought, I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?
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I know that big, important things don't just come together overnight, but I've been me for a long time now and it's still not working.
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I have no ability to develop muscle tone. I could do situps all day and still look like a condom full of walnuts.
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Do you know what Irish Alzheimer's is? It's when you forget everything but your grudges.
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Just saw a woman with a big tattoo of Jesus on her back. I guess it's an ixnay on the oggy style-day.
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I want to leave the world as I entered it: naked and crying in a room full of strangers.
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Whenever someone starts a statement with, Let me tell you the kind of guy I am, that is a great time to start sawing your own head off.
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One great way to mess with devout Christians and atheists would be if Jesus came back and said, By the way, you know I'm fake, right?
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Maybe the next three Star Wars movies will tell the story of how the last three Star Wars movies got so shitty.
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Strap On spelled backwards is No Parts. Just sayin'.
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Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
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The gun legislation was doomed the minute it became associated with the words common sense.
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The more women walk around in sweat pants, the harder it is to tell who's out jogging and who's running away from a mugger.
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Know someone you hate? Give their kid a kazoo!
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I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.
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Women are like pumpkins you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
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Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost?
Dana Gould